


Butterflies

by WelcomeToTheEndOfThings



Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gen, LGBTQIA+, TW: Self hate, TW: suicidal thoughts, Trigger Warnings, humanverse au, mtf, transgender character, tw: body dysphoria, tw: suicide attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2018-12-24 08:01:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12008475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WelcomeToTheEndOfThings/pseuds/WelcomeToTheEndOfThings
Summary: They're friends, so then they should all be close; shouldn't they? Then why is Logan so confused? Why does the tie around his neck feel like a noose? When push comes to shove, what'll happen as she finally reaches her breaking point? When she realizes that she's defective, after all who needs an uncaring robot around?





	1. Broken Hearts

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, I'm not a trans woman, but I am a trans man so I know somewhat as to what I'm talking about. I hope you guys enjoy this, if you even read this...but anyway there are a few trigger warnings so beware that.

He was always the robot, that's never changed, always cold and efficient as hard as he tried. He only wanted what was best for Thomas, for him to succeed. The hair was first thing to get to him. He's never minded change before but then this, this silly color! It threatened everything they've worked for, nobody wants to hire somebody with colored hair. Try as he might, they wouldn't listen to him. That stung, he's always at least listened to him, if not followed his advice. This time was different though, he ignored him. He supposes that was one of the very first things to lead him here, noose in hand as he looked over at the somber handwritten note, stained with tears as he poured out his frustrations. Well if he was to die, he might as well refer to himself properly. She chuckled, a hollow, melancholy filled sound as she stood tall on the stool; dressed to the nines in her favorite clothes she had kept hidden, close to her breaking heart, and sobbed. She sobbed for the love she'd never share aloud to the literal heart, sobbed for the adventures shared and ending, for all the thoughts and painful memories, but mostly she sobbed for the family she'd be breaking. The family she'd be tearing apart, that she'd be leaving. Looking down at her sensible shoes for a sensible woman, she sniffed as she thought that this would be the first and only time she'd be allowed to be herself and then as the noose hung around her neck like badly made jewelry, she froze as the door opened. It was Patton, with his eyes shut in bliss as he smiled. 

"Heya sport, I called and knocked a bunch but ya didn't answer so I figured-" 

He cuts himself as he gasps as his eyes open and spots her. 

"K-Kiddo, come on that's not necessary. Ju-Just take that off and step down so we can talk y-yeah?" 

His voice shakes as he falls apart silently while tears stain his drastically pale face. She sobs and wails and is surprised that the others haven't come running to see what all the commotion is about. "I-I'm sorry!" She sobs out and chokes on the broken words as they slip out. "For what kiddo, it's not...it's not your fault. You mind coming down here?" He looks up at her as her tear stained face stares down at the floor sadly. Hesitantly, she slips it off and takes it down. Weakly stepping off the stool, she falls to her knees as she has no strength left. Feeling her eyes slip close, she hiccups and then yawns; exhausted arms wrap around her shaking frame and puppy dog brown eyes meet her melancholy, empty blue ones. "What made you think this was the best choice kiddo?" His fragile thin voice cracks as he rests against her. "I'm a freak, why else?" She sobs and then as soon as she was awake, she was asleep. Passed out on Patton's shoulder, he soothes her through her troubled sleep. "Everything's going to be okay kiddo, I promise."


	2. Spread Wings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So at the beginning Patton will misgender Logan but that's only because he isn't sure and will soon change as you read. Enjoy!

He never thought of Logan to be of the emotional sort. They had always made jokes about how unfeeling and cold he was, closed off from the rest of them...maybe... Cutting his train of thought off with a loud sob, he shakes and clutches at the frail thin frame clutched in his arms. Rocking his cold body in his, he coos to him and sobs silently as he hiccups and sniffles at the thought of everything. Heavy footsteps pound on the stairs as two sets follow up and smash into the wall before yelling starts up again. Calling his name, Patton sniffs and tries his best to make it seem like nothing has happened. Failing, he chokes on another heavy sobbing gasp as the two pairs of eyes meet his and then Logan cradled in his arms. Clutching at him like a lifeline he can't help but hold him close to his chest. 

"Patton what's happened?" 

Shaking like a leaf, his head follows suit and he kisses her cheek as he continues the crying whimpers that escape unchained.

"Patton, what is the matter? You disappeared and now you're sobbing as though something awful has happened!" Roman growls at him and though it's his right to be upset and confused it still sends him into hysterics. Soon two sets of arms are wrapping around his shaking shoulders and he sniffs as he gasps out that something is wrong with Logan. 

"Wh-What do you mean Patton? What's wrong?" Virgil begins to panic, his nickname Anxiety a fitting title right about now as image after image runs through his panicking mind."Is he going to be alright? What's wrong?" 

"He tried to kill himself, I uh I walked in on him and well he fell asleep in my arms after crying himself out." They all grow somber and Virgil and Roman envelop the other two as the warmth fills their aching hearts. After a while of silence, Roman finally pipes up, noticing her state of dress.

"Do you plan to talk with them about this when they wake?" His quiet, breaking voice whispering into the tense, unwelcome silence. Patton perks up and nods sadly. "Good." 

Feeling her shift in his arms he coos ever so gently to her. "Hey sport, was wondering when you'd wake up. We uh we have to talk about this okay?" His sweet voice cracks as he silently pleads with her. 

 

"O-Okay...."


	3. I'm Sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for being gone for so long, a lot of stuff happened and I just couldn't continue this at that point in time.  
> The rest of the gang helps her begin to heal, after some questions.

Still groggy from passing out so suddenly after the...ordeal, it takes her a moment to realize the six arms wrapped around her tightly and the murmuring of her family. Moaning, she goes to sit up only to be pulled back against a solid chest while fingers run through her shaggy hair; she can hear someone gently singing and assumes it's Roman. She begins to cry silently, the only sign her shaking shoulders. The rumble in Patton's voice soothes her soul before she hears the words he whispers in her ear. 

"Hey sport, was wondering when you'd wake up. We uh we have to talk about this okay?" His sweet voice cracks as he silently pleads with her and the guilt pools up even higher. Whimpering she chokes out, "O-Okay..." 

The silence between everyone starts to become thicker and more awkward until Virgil scoots a bit closer, twiddling with his fingers as the baggy sleeves slide over the drastic pale digits. Coughing, he refuses to meet her eyes as he croaks out desperately, sniffling "Are...Are you going to try again?" Despondent, she doesn't answer until Virgil's panic grows and he wraps his hands around her shoulders. The only thing she can think of is as he shakes her, is wondering when he moved in front of her from his previous furled position against her side. 

"LO!" Snapping back to the present and not the thoughts running around inside her head like race horses shooting off from the gates. Meekly, she pipes up. "Yes?"  
"Are you going to try again?" She can't meet his eyes this time either as she responds with a weak perhaps. Sharp inhales of breath follows her answer as she studies her sensible shoes, a women can do anything in a good pair of heels and yet she doesn't exactly think this situation they can help her much. 

"Lo-Lo why?" Patton asks sadly and she just shakes her head, the tears continuing to ruin the soft makeup as she gulps in air, waiting for Roman to say something anything. Sensing this, he speaks up and whispers softly, "Is there another name you wish for us to use?" 

Her head snaps up and she looks him in the eyes as a small watery smile takes over her blotchy face. 

"Penelope."


	4. Chapter 4: Hope

Roman wasn't expecting anything to happen when he ran up the stairs after the annoying virgin, he knew there'd be yelling. Lots of it in fact, but he didn't expect there to be tears or for their favourite geek in Pat's arms in a dress. The thing that freaked Roman out the most was the noose on the floor. Hiding behind bravado, he quickly learned of their would be fate and couldn't stifle the tears falling. Feeling eyes on his person when they woke up, word vomit escaped asking for a name. Fidgeting anxiously he awaited an unsureness to slide out but Penelope...Penelope fit perfectly. Nodding her head she grins and responds giddily; “My name is Penelope.”


End file.
